1
00:00:25,550 --> 00:00:26,550
Go away.

2
00:00:27,130 --> 00:00:28,130
Oh, that's nice.

3
00:00:33,350 --> 00:00:36,450
Leave him alone. What would have
happened if your mother had tapped on

4
00:00:36,450 --> 00:00:37,450
window at the last minute?

5
00:00:37,690 --> 00:00:38,750
We wouldn't have had Jenny.

6
00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:44,430
Did you get the... Yes, I popped in the
chemist's while Bill was paying.

7
00:00:44,770 --> 00:00:46,350
I got some quite interesting ones.

8
00:00:46,710 --> 00:00:47,710
Oh, good, good.

9
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:49,590
Right.

10
00:00:51,350 --> 00:00:52,970
What happened to trying for a baby?

11
00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:56,720
Oh, we gave up on that, so Tony's gone
back on the... You know.

12
00:00:57,420 --> 00:01:01,020
We don't have any loo rolls in there
either, by the way. What on earth's

13
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:02,480
on? You can't get them anywhere.

14
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,220
Probably a shortage.

15
00:01:04,580 --> 00:01:05,640
Yeah, I suppose so. Bye.

16
00:01:06,020 --> 00:01:07,020
Bye.

17
00:01:11,940 --> 00:01:12,940
Ben?

18
00:01:13,060 --> 00:01:14,760
Hello. What's going on?

19
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,000
I've got some toilet rolls.

20
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,200
What?

21
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,060
I've got all that stuck up.

22
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:20,480
Why? There's a shortage.

23
00:01:20,860 --> 00:01:23,000
Of course there's a shortage. They're
all in our...

24
00:01:25,130 --> 00:01:26,350
in the papers today. It's a front page
story.

25
00:01:26,770 --> 00:01:28,110
Oh, yes, I did, actually.

26
00:01:28,530 --> 00:01:31,550
Man in Chiswick's wife strangles him
with Andrex.

27
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:34,350
It's the millennium. What?

28
00:01:34,830 --> 00:01:36,050
The millennium.

29
00:01:36,550 --> 00:01:38,910
There aren't going to be any toilet
rolls at all. Why not?

30
00:01:39,150 --> 00:01:43,450
Well, because of the computers and the
millennium. But it was in the papers.

31
00:01:43,690 --> 00:01:46,210
Oh, was it? Actually, I was wondering
what you thought about getting a new

32
00:01:46,210 --> 00:01:47,430
widescreen silly. Take it all back.

33
00:01:48,590 --> 00:01:51,810
We're going to need this on December the
31st. No, we're all going to grow ten

34
00:01:51,810 --> 00:01:53,350
more bottoms on the stroke of midnight.

35
00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:01,090
I don't mean all of it. No, you're
right. How much is there? Two van loads?

36
00:02:01,350 --> 00:02:02,350
Three. Right.

37
00:02:03,050 --> 00:02:07,450
That should see us through next week.
Now, I'm going through to the kitchen,

38
00:02:07,450 --> 00:02:09,870
when I come out again, I don't want to
see any more of these. Is that clear?

39
00:02:10,070 --> 00:02:11,070
Right.

40
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,720
So did your dad the first time.

41
00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:34,620
Is that really the last of those? Yes.

42
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,440
And I don't want to find them perning up
anywhere else.

43
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:40,300
Failed? Yeah.

44
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,300
So did I the first time.

45
00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:46,100
Did you park it outside?

46
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:48,420
No, there's a big crane thing in the
way.

47
00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:53,480
Mum, I wanted to talk about the
millennium. Oh, good. You're going to

48
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,339
Keith here?

49
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,420
Er, what do you mean?

50
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,520
Well, we'll all want to be here on such
a special occasion, won't we?

51
00:02:58,940 --> 00:03:01,020
Well, we were thinking we might go see
some friends.

52
00:03:01,620 --> 00:03:04,540
Oh, but it's probably the last time
we'll all be together for ages.

53
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,600
Oh. Yeah, but they're friends from
college.

54
00:03:12,220 --> 00:03:15,180
Hey, hey, never mind about that. I was
wondering what you thought about getting

55
00:03:15,180 --> 00:03:18,140
the widescreen telly for the man. What
the hell is that thing?

56
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:19,360
It's just a tank.

57
00:03:19,620 --> 00:03:23,020
Look, cos the picture quality here is...
Just a tank? What's it doing on our

58
00:03:23,020 --> 00:03:25,880
patio? It's all right. The bloke with
the crane's doing us a favour. Well,

59
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:26,960
him to take it away again.

60
00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:28,700
But what now? here for the drought.

61
00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:29,980
Oh, God.

62
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,440
Have you seen the papers?

63
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,740
On the millennium, nobody's going to get
any water.

64
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,860
All the pipes will run dry because of
the computers.

65
00:03:38,220 --> 00:03:39,640
How could they? They're pipes.

66
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:43,120
Computers have nothing to do with them.
Yeah, well, that's what I thought. Well,

67
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:46,720
apparently computers turn the water on
and off. No, they don't. Taps do that.

68
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,140
Yes, but who turns on the taps?

69
00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:55,660
Men. And how do the men get to work to
turn on the taps? I don't know. In cars,

70
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:56,760
on the bus.

71
00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:00,240
Exactly. All the traffic lights would
have gone wrong because of the computer,

72
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:01,360
so they'd be stuck in traffic.

73
00:04:02,220 --> 00:04:06,280
He says, can we annex the chains? Tell
him to take it away again immediately.

74
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:07,780
Yes, but... Right now.

75
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:10,360
All right.

76
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:16,340
Sorry, mate.

77
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,260
Wipes changed our minds.

78
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,560
You see, the thing is, Keith sort of
promised we'd be there.

79
00:04:24,980 --> 00:04:28,660
Oh. Oh, you're not going to infest us?
come home here instead, are you?

80
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:30,160
Oh, no, I wouldn't do that.

81
00:04:30,580 --> 00:04:32,440
I'm just leaving it up to your
conscience.

82
00:04:33,220 --> 00:04:34,220
Oh, great.

83
00:04:39,340 --> 00:04:40,340
Wow.

84
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:45,620
Don't look at it for too long.

85
00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:47,280
But it's nearly all gone.

86
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:48,880
Oh, that's really, that's good.

87
00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:50,180
That's really, that's good.

88
00:04:50,780 --> 00:04:52,920
A good shot from the art studio.

89
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:54,300
Yes.

90
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:58,630
Shall we see what's happening on the
telly? Patrick Moore looking miserable,

91
00:04:58,630 --> 00:04:59,730
should think. Come on, then.

92
00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:06,790
What's going on? Nothing!

93
00:05:07,330 --> 00:05:08,790
What are these canisters doing?

94
00:05:09,470 --> 00:05:12,110
That's an electrical generator, isn't
it? What is?

95
00:05:12,570 --> 00:05:15,210
Actually, I wonder what you thought
about this. I am not interested in

96
00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:16,310
widescreen TVs.

97
00:05:16,830 --> 00:05:20,030
You've been waiting to sneak these in
during the clips.

98
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:28,240
off in all today's papers.

99
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:29,520
I'm saying today's papers.

100
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,560
Bill, quick, can you drive me to town in
your van? It's an emergency.

101
00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:35,920
Right, take that thing back. Where are
we going? The chemist's, right. There's

102
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,100
going to be a shortage of condoms.

103
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:41,800
Bill, hurry!

104
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:43,280
What did you say?

105
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,180
There's going to be a shortage of
condoms at the Millennium. It was in the

106
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:49,860
papers. How could the Millennium cause a
shortage of condoms?

107
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,220
Come on, isn't it obvious? Hurry up and
get rid of that. No, it isn't.

108
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,980
tea is going to go off. You see? Bring
that back down.

109
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:01,400
Well, they do when there's no heating.

110
00:06:01,620 --> 00:06:04,660
So every condom in England is going to
be used up that evening. It could be

111
00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:05,780
months before there's any more.

112
00:06:06,140 --> 00:06:07,680
Can't they just wash them? No!

113
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:10,660
No!

114
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:12,580
There'll be no water.

115
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:14,160
Yes, there will!

116
00:06:14,780 --> 00:06:16,820
Hey, guess what?

117
00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:20,020
Hey!

118
00:06:20,940 --> 00:06:22,100
I knew you'd do it.

119
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,980
Now maybe I should try for my heavy
goods licence. What do you reckon?

120
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,560
Drive a jug and all. Hurry, Bill, this
is serious.

121
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,620
I'll need at least a month's supply.

122
00:06:31,180 --> 00:06:34,560
Well, if you get one, Rona's got your
first payload for you.

123
00:06:39,380 --> 00:06:45,000
We just thought that, as you won't be
going back again, we'd just like to say

124
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:51,320
welcome and, well, we're really pleased
you've joined the family.

125
00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:53,920
Yeah, welcome, Dec. We've been looking
forward to it.

126
00:06:56,119 --> 00:06:57,540
Well, aren't you going to say anything?

127
00:06:58,340 --> 00:07:03,400
Well, it's very nice, but it's only
until New Year, isn't it? Is it? No.

128
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:04,600
No, it's permanent.

129
00:07:04,660 --> 00:07:05,920
You'll be living here from now on.

130
00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:08,420
Yes. I mean, that's when we're all going
to die.

131
00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:09,740
Oh.

132
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:11,400
What?

133
00:07:11,740 --> 00:07:13,580
Some old French geezer said so.

134
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,080
It's in the paper, look.

135
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,460
In the year 1999,

136
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:23,240
11 months and 31 days, there will be
a... Okay.

137
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:24,770
The cataclysm.

138
00:07:25,130 --> 00:07:30,190
Cataclysm? That engulfs all of mankind
in a terrifying fire of doom.

139
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,230
Will you stop that?

140
00:07:32,490 --> 00:07:35,950
What are you talking about? This was
going to be a very special moment, and

141
00:07:35,950 --> 00:07:38,690
that's been ruined by these stupid
millennium panics.

142
00:07:38,930 --> 00:07:40,130
It's all complete rubbish.

143
00:07:40,510 --> 00:07:42,910
Now, I don't want to hear any more of
these hideous scare stories.

144
00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:47,130
Once and for all, nothing terrible is
going to happen on December the 31st.

145
00:07:47,130 --> 00:07:49,190
We're going to have a lovely time.

146
00:08:08,140 --> 00:08:09,580
I think we have to ring up. Let's have a
look.

147
00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:14,420
Is there anything with a plug they
wouldn't be interested in? Well,

148
00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:15,420
too keen on the bath.

149
00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:20,700
Too much water's unhygienic. You'd
better hurry up. Haven't he got 45

150
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,480
Yes, well, it's rather complicated, you
know.

151
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:28,200
Do you think if they show Walt Disney
World, we'll see your mother and Auntie

152
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,860
Pearl? No, they like to keep the scary
characters out of publicity shots.

153
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:35,940
It was sweet of her to invite Auntie.

154
00:08:36,179 --> 00:08:37,179
I know.

155
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:41,039
She booked it up in 1978 when Dad was
still alive from their premium bond

156
00:08:41,039 --> 00:08:42,039
winnings. Aw.

157
00:08:42,299 --> 00:08:43,299
Oh, wonderful.

158
00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:44,840
Keith and I could have gone.

159
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,760
My gran could have stayed here with you.

160
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:50,600
No, thank you very much. It's all worked
out just fine. At least I don't have to

161
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,060
spend the whole evening trying not to
commit murder.

162
00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:55,380
Hello.

163
00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:57,220
Hide the scissors.

164
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:16,760
You tell us.

165
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,360
All righty, Tina.

166
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:22,660
Oh, and you must be dear little Declan.

167
00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:24,000
Blimey, what's she on?

168
00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:05,270
with his father, and there's something
I've got to tell her. Oh, brilliant.

169
00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:08,550
Well, I don't want it to be too much of
a shock for her. Oh, thank you very

170
00:10:08,550 --> 00:10:11,470
much. It's all right. She won't do
anything to upset us.

171
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:15,650
Hello? This is 142 Chapstow Road,
Chiswick.

172
00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:18,650
There's a terrible smell of gas in the
street outside.

173
00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:20,130
What?

174
00:10:21,130 --> 00:10:23,070
Yes, it is an emergency.

175
00:10:24,810 --> 00:10:25,810
Oh, do you?

176
00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:27,030
Yes, if you would.

177
00:10:27,230 --> 00:10:28,310
It's rather strong.

178
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:33,080
Here we are, then.

179
00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:35,560
I'll have a sherry, if anyone's asking.

180
00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:42,940
Smell anything?

181
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:44,060
No, nothing.

182
00:10:44,340 --> 00:10:45,420
It's very strong.

183
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:46,880
Shall I go and sniff?

184
00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:49,140
No, just stay here. Our team has called
the men.

185
00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:52,600
They've got a team working two streets
away. Isn't that lucky?

186
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:54,500
They'll be here in a matter of minutes.

187
00:10:54,980 --> 00:10:56,420
Right, so panic over.

188
00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:57,640
Yes.

189
00:10:57,980 --> 00:11:00,240
Oh, is this your new television?

190
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:02,560
Yeah. Do you like it? No.

191
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:07,160
I think wide things are so vulgar.

192
00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:08,480
I rather like them.

193
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,580
Here's your sherry, Aunt Tina. Oh,
thanks, Jenny.

194
00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:18,420
Sit down. Make yourself comfortable.

195
00:11:18,660 --> 00:11:19,660
Thank you, Bill.

196
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,340
I'm sure it doesn't taste cheap.

197
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:26,620
I'll go and do this in the kitchen.

198
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:27,920
Oh, good.

199
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,340
Declan, would you like... Would you like
me to brush your hair?

200
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:34,700
No, but I'll brush yours if you throw it
over.

201
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:39,100
Now then.

202
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,080
The men are here.

203
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,100
Oh, good.

204
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:50,800
So, what are we going to do for the
millennium? Have a little sing -song?

205
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:52,240
Play some games?

206
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,820
Ben's just getting the digital TV
switched on. Oh.

207
00:11:58,540 --> 00:12:01,160
going to watch all the celebrations
everywhere on the telly, have a few

208
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:01,999
and a laugh.

209
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,000
Lovely.

210
00:12:04,660 --> 00:12:05,619
Am I on time?

211
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:06,980
Yeah, it's just coming on. Great.

212
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:10,140
I've just activated the card. It'll be
on within ten seconds.

213
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:11,560
Cool.

214
00:12:13,460 --> 00:12:16,840
Four, three, two, one.

215
00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:49,530
cable. They haven't had to turn off the
gas.

216
00:12:49,950 --> 00:12:51,350
They've had to turn off the gas?

217
00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:54,710
Well, they have to get to the electric
cables.

218
00:12:54,990 --> 00:12:55,990
Quick.

219
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,110
What's happened to Tony?

220
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:01,490
Found your coal.

221
00:13:01,750 --> 00:13:03,170
Oh, there we are, see?

222
00:13:03,470 --> 00:13:05,370
Soon be as warm as toast again.

223
00:13:05,790 --> 00:13:07,050
I think it's damp anyway.

224
00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:11,770
He's raving it up and we have to sit
here in the cold and dark like frozen

225
00:13:11,770 --> 00:13:13,430
chickens. The freezer!

226
00:13:13,690 --> 00:13:16,550
Oh, it's all right. If we don't open the
door, it'll last for days.

227
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,740
Shame. I fancied an ice cream.

228
00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:21,520
Did they say how long it was going to
take?

229
00:13:21,860 --> 00:13:24,860
They're on quadruple Christmas
millennium time. How long do you think?

230
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,180
Oh, great.

231
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:29,060
Oh, come on. Let's all huddle together.

232
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,240
Well, we've got to do something unless
you've got a generator.

233
00:13:38,380 --> 00:13:41,400
Don't look at me. I didn't call them out
to cut through the wire.

234
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:42,700
Neither did I.

235
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,220
Oh, don't fuss, sis.

236
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:45,540
No, you're right.

237
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:53,440
Because the electricity and gas has been
cut off by stupid cows.

238
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:56,320
I'm sorry.

239
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,680
Oh, right, it can't be helped.

240
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,460
What about the barbecue fuel? There's
two bottles of that.

241
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:02,820
It's a great idea.

242
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:07,260
We could soak it in loads and loads of
newspapers and... No, we've had the

243
00:14:07,260 --> 00:14:08,760
burned down before, thank you.

244
00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:10,140
At least we'd be warmer.

245
00:14:10,540 --> 00:14:11,780
I don't know what you mean by that.

246
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,900
At least you've got a roof over your
head.

247
00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:16,860
Declan's right.

248
00:14:17,470 --> 00:14:20,430
There's people who have to survive in
conditions worse than this every day on

249
00:14:20,430 --> 00:14:21,109
the streets.

250
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,390
Yeah, and they can manage without
complaining.

251
00:14:22,710 --> 00:14:23,709
No problem.

252
00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:24,649
That's right.

253
00:14:24,650 --> 00:14:25,650
What do they do?

254
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:26,950
Drink meth, mainly.

255
00:14:29,090 --> 00:14:31,530
There's two bottles of barbecue fuel to
go round.

256
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,150
I said I was sorry!

257
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:35,270
What more do you want? Shut up, team.

258
00:14:35,530 --> 00:14:37,410
Oh, now, stop it, all of you.

259
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:40,510
People all over the world are going to
be celebrating the millennium in 25

260
00:14:40,510 --> 00:14:43,450
minutes, and I don't want everyone in
this house to spend it bickering.

261
00:14:43,990 --> 00:14:45,770
Bill's right. We should all try and
agree.

262
00:14:46,310 --> 00:14:47,310
Good.

263
00:14:50,060 --> 00:14:51,800
Actually, not all over the world.

264
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:52,759
Yes, it is.

265
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:56,220
No. In some parts of the world, the
millennium's over now. They've all gone

266
00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:57,220
home. Yeah, that's right.

267
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,600
No. We have it first.

268
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:01,920
Why? Because we're British.

269
00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:05,360
Don't be stupid, sis.

270
00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:06,739
I'm not.

271
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:12,400
We have Greenwich Meridian at nought
degrees, don't we? So everyone else must

272
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,380
come after us. It's in Russia. They've
already had it.

273
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:17,340
Only because Yeltsin can't wait for a
drink.

274
00:15:19,470 --> 00:15:22,010
No, we did it in geography once. They've
had it hours ago.

275
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:22,949
That's right.

276
00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:23,950
Oh.

277
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:27,090
That'd make them all older than us.

278
00:15:27,330 --> 00:15:28,670
Of course not. They'd be daft.

279
00:15:30,170 --> 00:15:31,170
They're younger.

280
00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:36,390
No, they're not. We're all the same age.
Can we be if their year starts before

281
00:15:36,390 --> 00:15:37,770
ours? They're younger.

282
00:15:38,010 --> 00:15:39,190
No, older.

283
00:15:39,870 --> 00:15:41,750
Younger. That's stupid, Ben.

284
00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:47,420
Look. If two babies were born at our
midnight, one in Russia and one here,

285
00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:50,740
one born in Russia would have been born
last year, so he'd be older.

286
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:54,300
He wouldn't have been born last year, so
he'd be younger.

287
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,680
How could he be younger? They're both
born at the same time.

288
00:15:57,940 --> 00:16:01,060
Yeah, so we're all agreed that Russia is
ahead of us, right? It doesn't make any

289
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:06,680
difference. Yeah, it does, because in an
extreme case, one baby born at exactly

290
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:11,320
the same moment, but 360 degrees around
the world... Would be here.

291
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:12,560
Yes.

292
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:14,360
But a year ago.

293
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:15,480
That's stupid.

294
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,340
Well, don't blame me.

295
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,440
I didn't work it out like that. I'd have
done it differently.

296
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,840
How? I'd have everyone on British time.

297
00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:24,140
You can't do that.

298
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:25,359
Why not?

299
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,580
What about in Australia?

300
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,080
It's been nearly midnight there now and
still light.

301
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,100
Yes, well, of course. It's June in
Australia.

302
00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:33,580
How come?

303
00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:36,740
Because their summer is our winter.

304
00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:41,140
have it light at midnight?

305
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,340
Yeah, well, I wouldn't put it past them.
I've already mucked up our cricket.

306
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:45,700
Oh,

307
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:47,480
not the cricket.

308
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:52,480
Yes, you played coloured pyjamas and
that's for the West Indies. Will you

309
00:16:52,540 --> 00:16:56,340
I'm getting travel sick. I'm going to
throw up. I don't know what you've done.

310
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,480
Can I have a glass of water?

311
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:00,320
I'll get it.

312
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,620
Put your head between your knees.

313
00:17:18,139 --> 00:17:19,880
No, it isn't. Yes, it is.

314
00:17:21,460 --> 00:17:25,280
Can't even watch the stuff on your new
telly. Well, what about the radio?

315
00:17:25,780 --> 00:17:29,820
Oh, yeah, that runs off batteries. Where
is it? Just over here. Oh, turn that

316
00:17:29,820 --> 00:17:30,940
on. That'll be more cheerful.

317
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:28,190
What? Okay, Phil, it's an electricity
wire. Why would they turn the water off?

318
00:18:28,470 --> 00:18:32,310
Except, of course, in Chiswick, West
London, where men mending an electricity

319
00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:35,770
failure have come across an unidentified
World War II device.

320
00:19:24,650 --> 00:19:25,650
behind here.

321
00:19:25,830 --> 00:19:29,090
Warning, this upholstery is not
flameproof.

322
00:19:31,010 --> 00:19:32,950
I'm sure it's still nice and solid.

323
00:19:34,110 --> 00:19:38,270
Show me you can't get into the cellar.
We could if it wasn't for 60 ,000 toilet

324
00:19:38,270 --> 00:19:40,950
rolls. Yes, well, good thing too.

325
00:19:41,210 --> 00:19:42,250
We'll be needing them soon.

326
00:19:42,470 --> 00:19:44,950
Anyway, don't blame me. I wasn't the one
who called the gas people.

327
00:19:45,590 --> 00:19:47,990
I did smell something, really.

328
00:19:48,530 --> 00:19:49,710
Oh, leave her alone.

329
00:19:49,970 --> 00:19:51,350
We'll just have to make the best of
things.

330
00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:57,420
were trapped in that hurricane, you
remember?

331
00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,160
I'm hardly likely to forget the most
horrible night we've ever spent.

332
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:03,260
No, the most horrible night we ever
spent was when we wandered into the

333
00:20:03,260 --> 00:20:04,260
of that minefield, remember?

334
00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:05,420
That was horrible.

335
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,160
Wander into it? You did.

336
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,319
So did you.

337
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:09,320
Looking for you?

338
00:20:09,460 --> 00:20:12,320
But I agree, it was definitely the most
horrible night we've ever spent.

339
00:20:12,580 --> 00:20:15,320
Other than when we got trapped by those
escaped cobras.

340
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,200
Oh, that was really horrible.

341
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:21,660
And when I got my head stuck in the cat
flap and you were hooked up on the light

342
00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:22,820
fitting in your wedding dress.

343
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:27,300
What about when you got stuck on Oriana
when it failed and had to hide in my

344
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:30,920
cabin? That wasn't funny.

345
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,200
No, it wasn't.

346
00:20:34,340 --> 00:20:38,360
What about when we accidentally got
connected to Bill Clinton's computer?

347
00:20:38,860 --> 00:20:40,420
Oh, yes, that was really horrible.

348
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,900
Oh, it was horrible when Dad brought
home that live pig for Christmas dinner.

349
00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:45,820
Then I just brought past the pig.

350
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:52,670
Oh, I'm sorry, Declan. You're probably
wondering just what sort of a... You've

351
00:20:52,670 --> 00:20:54,070
joined. I don't care.

352
00:20:54,830 --> 00:20:57,110
I've never spent New Year's with a
family before.

353
00:20:57,450 --> 00:21:00,630
I don't really care what we're doing.
It's just nice to be with people.

354
00:21:02,370 --> 00:21:03,370
Even her.

355
00:21:05,310 --> 00:21:06,610
That's so sweet.

356
00:21:06,970 --> 00:21:07,970
Two minutes to go.

357
00:21:11,890 --> 00:21:16,430
Well, I never imagined I'd be seeing out
the century like this.

358
00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:21,170
You admit you were wrong then?

359
00:21:22,790 --> 00:21:24,450
What? You admit you were wrong?

360
00:21:24,770 --> 00:21:28,910
When? All those things you poo -pooed.
Poo -pooed? All those things you said

361
00:21:28,910 --> 00:21:30,130
were millennium panics.

362
00:21:30,370 --> 00:21:35,430
The electricity has gone off. The gas
has gone off. The water has gone off.

363
00:21:35,430 --> 00:21:37,410
we're going to die. No, we are not.

364
00:21:39,870 --> 00:21:41,490
You said all those things were nonsense.

365
00:21:42,070 --> 00:21:43,070
That's right.

366
00:21:43,210 --> 00:21:45,790
Every one of those things has come true.

367
00:21:46,330 --> 00:21:50,330
No, they haven't. What about the
supposed shortage of condoms? That

368
00:21:50,330 --> 00:21:51,330
true, has it?

369
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:57,219
Not a shortage.

370
00:21:57,220 --> 00:21:58,920
Well, then, what do you mean?

371
00:22:00,180 --> 00:22:01,660
Not actually a shortage.

372
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,540
More of a failure.

373
00:22:06,940 --> 00:22:08,220
What do you mean, a failure?

374
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,000
Oh, I'm sorry.

375
00:22:12,060 --> 00:22:13,500
I didn't like to say.

376
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:19,900
I'm afraid the lime flavour wasn't quite
as good as the others in the packet.

377
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,840
It's the same with root pastels.

378
00:22:28,110 --> 00:22:29,450
Well, why didn't you tell me?

379
00:22:29,710 --> 00:22:31,270
I wanted to be completely sure.

380
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:34,730
I did the test for the third time this
afternoon.

381
00:22:35,490 --> 00:22:36,750
There's no doubt about it.

382
00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:39,490
I'm pregnant.

383
00:22:40,950 --> 00:22:41,950
Pregnant?

384
00:22:42,770 --> 00:22:44,990
After all that, and you're pregnant by
accident?

385
00:22:45,290 --> 00:22:46,269
I know.

386
00:22:46,270 --> 00:22:51,030
We were trying for so long, I suppose
eventually you just have to get unlucky.

387
00:22:53,630 --> 00:22:54,890
So, what do you think?

388
00:22:56,450 --> 00:22:57,890
Well... That's wonderful.

389
00:22:58,790 --> 00:23:00,990
Rona, I can't believe it.

390
00:23:01,290 --> 00:23:02,290
Neither can I.

391
00:23:02,570 --> 00:23:03,650
I'm going to be a father.

392
00:23:03,910 --> 00:23:04,809
Oh, no.

393
00:23:04,810 --> 00:23:05,810
Congrats, Rona.

394
00:23:06,430 --> 00:23:07,430
And Tony.

395
00:23:07,610 --> 00:23:09,530
It's all downhill from now on, mate.

396
00:23:11,010 --> 00:23:12,990
So what are you going to call it? Oh, I
don't know.

397
00:23:13,590 --> 00:23:14,590
Harry Lime?

398
00:23:15,950 --> 00:23:19,950
I haven't even got used to the idea yet.

399
00:23:20,790 --> 00:23:22,590
Oh, that's all so lovely.

400
00:23:22,910 --> 00:23:27,780
I wish I could... suddenly find out
something exciting about myself like

401
00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:29,220
You're Jewish.

402
00:23:31,580 --> 00:23:35,500
What? Uncle Lorne turned up, showed me
some family photos.

403
00:23:35,980 --> 00:23:38,140
Mum was Jewish, so we are.

404
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:39,760
But I don't look Jewish.

405
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:41,240
Who does?

406
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,620
Any other revelations while we're here?

407
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:46,880
I've got a tattoo.

408
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:48,120
Oh, my God!

409
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:50,480
Do you want to see it? Yeah!

410
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:53,040
Who possessed you to do that?

411
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,760
Oh, leave him alone. He's old enough to
drive. He's old enough to permanently

412
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:56,760
disfigure himself.

413
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,520
I had bacon this morning. I'll go to
hell.

414
00:24:01,340 --> 00:24:06,300
It's all right for you. You're a girl. I
might have to have a, you know... Oh,

415
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:07,320
my God!

416
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,460
Has anyone else got anything to reveal?

417
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,340
Mum, if you tell me you and Keith are
married, I'm going to throw myself on

418
00:24:13,340 --> 00:24:14,340
bomb!

419
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,380
bottles of champagne to celebrate the
millennium and you call me names.

420
00:24:41,740 --> 00:24:43,480
Didn't you see the bomb disposal men
outside?

421
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,840
Oh, they're just packing up to leave.
Leave?

422
00:24:46,100 --> 00:24:48,340
Yeah, didn't you hear them announce it
was only a bombshell?

423
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:54,280
We've had a few bombshells of our own.
It's only a little one. The electric men

424
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:55,079
are back.

425
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:59,260
Well, I know it's supposed to be a dark
-haired man coming in with one bit of

426
00:24:59,260 --> 00:25:00,380
coal, but... Yeah, I've done that.

427
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,580
Well, isn't somebody going to kiss me?

428
00:25:07,980 --> 00:25:09,620
Well, why not? Happy new millennium.

429
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,080
Now hand over the booze.

430
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:24,140
Can I have some?

431
00:25:24,420 --> 00:25:26,000
No. Oh, go on, just a dribble.

432
00:25:26,420 --> 00:25:27,420
Oh, all right.

433
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:30,440
Thanks. I haven't got any.

434
00:25:30,660 --> 00:25:31,499
Cheers, everyone.

435
00:25:31,500 --> 00:25:32,500
Cheers!

436
00:25:42,370 --> 00:25:45,310
What? That none of this would have
happened if it hadn't been for Tina

437
00:25:45,310 --> 00:25:46,310
out the gas company.

438
00:25:46,470 --> 00:25:47,470
No, we're not.

439
00:25:47,830 --> 00:25:52,850
But if you think about it, she only did
it for us because she wanted to do the

440
00:25:52,850 --> 00:25:55,790
right thing, to keep us safe at a time
we all wanted to be together.

441
00:25:56,310 --> 00:26:00,670
And whatever kind of evening we've had,
we have all been together, and that's

442
00:26:00,670 --> 00:26:01,670
the main thing.

443
00:26:01,870 --> 00:26:06,610
So, here's to us, supporters, friends...

444
00:26:06,610 --> 00:26:10,450
..and family.

445
00:26:11,110 --> 00:26:12,370
Cheers. Cheers!

446
00:26:12,970 --> 00:26:15,250
And let's hope the next thousand years
are better.

447
00:26:18,130 --> 00:26:19,590
Blimey, what's that horrible smell?

448
00:26:20,090 --> 00:26:21,090
Eh?

449
00:26:21,270 --> 00:26:23,150
Oh, it's coming from the...

450
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,160
millennium. I'm sure you'll all have a
million laughs.

451
00:28:30,350 --> 00:28:35,470
You may like to know that no episodes at
all of 2 .4 Children are available on a

452
00:28:35,470 --> 00:28:36,470
BBC video.

453
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:41,070
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